Wednesday, December 17, 2008

For Melynda.

You can break lies, and trees. Branches.
You can literally grab me by the cage and shake it with all your might.

This one stranger grazes into my life and tells me everything is worthwhile, someone that has been battling this - Finally coming out the other side.. after ten years of suffering. And suffering doesn't come close to the fight you read about, that you kind of wish you knew the feeling of.

I will be assesed at the In Patient Clinic next Tuesday. Or as i keep reminding myself, Christmas Eve Eve. S asked me how i feel about this. And i had no words. For the first time in my life, i could not think of anything worth saying. Or Xia couldn't.

For blind faith, we were driving home from the Doctors today. Mum usually takes me, every other Wednesday. But the time had shifted so Dad came in with me. My heart rate is still at 41 BPM. This is the critical part of my condition. At any point i could go into Cardiac Arrest. And it still pushes me beyond sweat.

Five sets of break lights slam infront of us as we see a bright auburn Heeler with the head of a Staffy joyfully sprinting up the Bellarine Highway near that side road Fruit Shack that was recently taken over by new Management. Without two seconds to spare Dad pulled over and whisteled the mutt to the car. As i got out the bag of bones came running towards me, tongue out one side. Straight in the back of the car, and not a second too soon for Dad. [The same man who saves Seagulls. Drags Roo's off abandonded bush roads and checks for Joeys no matter how decomposed the poor thing may be.]

My heart broke seeing him in the light. I could count his ribs.
"I can count yours, and you're wearing clothes."
Mum, you can't slightly tell his breed because his head is so disproportioned from his ribcages to his tail.
Holding him on the way home, this stray .. this mutant looking hound.. each corner we turned was an actual clanking of our bones. At one stage i was almost in tears because this barely 8kg dog was crushing my thighs with it's remaining leg bones.
It ate like it hadn't seen meat before.
And finally looks like it has comfort... on a dirty ol' garage floor covered in pillows and sheets to keep it from freezing.. he looks like a prince in there.

The comparison to this story is heartbreakingly real. And metres away this stunning mutt is hopefully back to dreaming of chasing the rabbits it was sharing the gutter fields with.

I wouldn't be surprise if we have another McManus to feed from now on.

To Dolly - Nourishment, that's all i care about for you. Porridge? Christmas Eve Morning? You pick the time. I'll take photos for proof.. i expect the same.

To Mashed - I got a ticket to anywhere. Love you poppet.


dollymixtures said...

Wow, that's actually such a heart-breaking post, I'm nearly crying...It's pathetic I know but the simple concept of it all and everything're such a good writer Lauren! :')

And we will DEFINATELY have porridge on Christmas Eve. However I'm staying at my dads' so I'll need to get everything arranged in advance, seein as I doubt he'll have porridge :( But I'll take all the ingredients with me :) We need to arrange the times, if you're eating yours Christmas Eve night, I could eat mine Xmas Eve morning? Or something :S Time differences confuse me :/

Love you! :) xxx

Jemima said...

You write beautifully. Once ED disperses, I think you might have a calling there :)

That's so sad about your doggy.. I love my little staff more than life itself and I can't imagine her looking so haggard. I know you'll take amazing care of this dog - are you keeping him? What's his name? :)

Gaby said...

You are so talented! I love your writing style and your beauty and compassion really shine through in your writing. You're so brave as well for going in for treatment. Asking for help shows how strong you are. I hope they are really able to make you 110% healthier, because you have so much to contribute to this world.Keep us updated on how you're doing!

Lots of love!

Kiki said...

Sorry for not commenting before. I agree with everyone else, I love how well you can express yourself through writing. This story really moved me. I really hope that you can get the help you need so your compassion and talent can show fully, without ED getting in the way. Have you named the doggy?

Jemima said...

hey chica,
just checking in on you because i was a little worried about how you're doing in the psychological side of things on CC.. really hope you're OK and love you loads xx

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