Friday, January 9, 2009

If you wanna be happy

Today was actually really nice.
My OCD has deminished so much so, i forget what routines i actually followed.

Everything since the hospital is kind of, a blur. I slept for two days. Got weighed, ate stuff, did stuff. Eaten alot fo Avocado/Peanut Butter/Butter/Breads/Milk.. lesson here - AVOID DAIRY.

But we had "Jamie Olivers Fish Pie" for dinner. Okay, umm check the recipe. Double Thick Cream, not so good on the guts. Especially considering they almost passed through me not too long ago.

Still we stagger on, don't we?
I don't always wanna be in recovery. So i'm about to make some cheese on toast(so i suppose it's a half a grilled cheese right?.. Under the grill?)

To Kiki and Maria and Ellie and Jemima and Melynda and Victoria and everybody else i've met via this thing, please know how much i'm thinking of all of you. You guys have become more a part of me than i could explain. I'm fearful of the stupidest things whilst an IP. "What fi the other girls hate me Mama:("

What if, i've been a black ewe for 22 years now, whats another 6+ weeks?
I took parents out for lunch today. Panache. So i had a Creamy Mushroom Crepe with a salad.
Hell, i'm having what i WANT. Not what ED wants, not what.. it's hard to think i've got an Eating Disorder right now. But, with family and friends like mine... fuck i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

I'm going to miss my cat. I don't think people realize just how much we're like a team.
He's my side minded pal. I wake up, Duke. I go to sleep, Duke. I come home, Duke. I watch tele, Duke. I eat Breakfast, Duke. I shower, he waits at the fricken door.....

How the fuck is HE gonna be without ME?
I'm gonna get Mama and Dad to get him 'fixed' while i'm away... so he won't know to hate me.
Sneaky sneaky.

Shopping again tomrrow, picking up the rest of the crap to take in. The Doctors are telling me to 'make the room my own'. ......i'm petrified.

All i can think is "Fill the iPod and take some photos".
Having alaptop.. well at least i can keep myself updated if not everyone else.
OH and we went to that Nightmarket at Johnsons Park. All Hippie stuff but i got to see Nads and Brooke and Nadsy is lending me Twilight to read! So i'm pretty stoked... and obviously a bit of a loser.

Hi mum! I know i gave you this so you can go through too.. You better be missing me already.
I'll tell you where my hidden stash is, and i want you and Dad to go out one night and live it up a little. No pesky phonecalls from me asking when you'll be home so i don't have to eat alone.
None of that.

Love you.
XXX

4 comments:

dollymixtures said...

I'm glad you're breaking routines! It's really good for your mental health I think =]

And yum cheese on toast! Not had that in FOREVER. I want to try it with marmite. I might have some later :) I'll do it for you:)
Good job on the food at the restaurant. And I'm sorry about your cat :( Take lots of pics in of him^^ I will help you as much as you can through IP, I'm really glad we'll still be able to stay in touch. I love you honey xxx

LiLmissGuTs said...

With that kind of attitude I know this is the beginning of a new life for you, no wait, the beginning of YOUR life. :)

Kiki said...

I'm so glad you're breaking routines! This will make quick work of IP, yes?

Good job eating out. I don't know if I should even congratulate you on that though, because it makes it seem like something abnormal that you have to work yourself up to do. But really, it's quite normal and you had an easy time of it. I think that makes sense. So I take it back.

Sorry about your cat, take lots of pictures of him with you! I'm glad you'll be keeping in touch with us in IP!

Burrito idea sounds fabulous. Much love

Eleanor said...

You make me proud, chica. <3

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