Thursday, January 8, 2009

To each and all.

I don't know how i'm gonna write this out. Tuesday Night/Wednesday Morning 2am i woke up leant over my bed and started dry reaching(sp?) Grabbed my phone and ran upstairs calling my mum to meet me in the toilet. Don't know HOW i made it upstairs. By the time she got to me i was having a Seizure on the toilet floor. My sister was holding me up and told me i stopped breathing for a few minutes. Ambulence was called and i slightly rose as mum sped me into hospital(ambo took too long). They weren't sure if it were a stroke/cardiac arrest. As Lala has mentioned so many times. THis is reality.
2 days of sleeping/recovering meant i dropped a massive(i mean more than 3kg) of weight. When i COULD finally eat, i thought straight away of the high calorie banana/pb/toast combo. Made a 600 calorie sandwich and still dropped weight.
I will be better thna ever in IP as this **** can't happen. Please guys, THIS is reality. I thought i was dying. MUM thought i was dead. And i've only just had the stomach to sit up after three days. No energy to even go to the toilet. Meant my muscles wouldn't clench which led to me toileting in bed by accident.
Guys, i'm 21. I use to be so strong in body and mind. And now i am a bag of bones with heart murmers and a soiled bed.
Please take care while i'm away. Though i AM taking a laptop in.
6 weeks minimum. Please know how much i care about all of you. SO much.XXX

4 comments:

Okie said...

Lauren, this made me tear up. I don't know how else I can say this, but you're worth so much to the world, to me, to your family. I know IP will do wonders for you both mentally and physically; please just try to get this thing over with so you can go back to being you. <3 I love you so much, Lauren; you are such an inspiration to me. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and remember that you can always, always, always e-mail me at okie.going@gmail.com. Love you girlie, see you soon. <3

dollymixtures said...

I second what Okie says. You mean so much to everyone <3 I love you Lauren, and I mean it. This had me crying, and I made a massive bowl of bran flakes for myself this morning. You scared me into 80grams of cereal girl!

I really hope you get better.
I hope we both can.
This is so scary, and you're right it is reality. I'm glad you'll have a laptop in IP. Email me whenever you want at strawberry_bonfire@hotmail.co.uk or talk to me on Myspace =) I freaking love you sweetie xxxxx

Kiki said...

Lauren, I love you so much, I hate to read this. I'm going to have an unplanned muffin, just for you. I really do hope that IP helps you a lot, because I can't bear to see you go through this much pain. I don't want you to be stuck in perpetual recovery!

I'll be thinking of you, email me anytime at hellocello13@gmail.com. I don't care if people spam me because that's how much I care about you! xxx

Jemima said...

Lauren I burst into tears when I read this - I'm so scared for you. So scared. Yet deep down, I know that you will be OK because I know that you will come out of IP stronger, healthier and more ready than ever to devote your time to tackling ED and living the beautiful, healthy, fabulous life you deserve. I love you loads and loads - I would say 'be strong' or 'be brave' but you're both of those already. Just be you, that will be enough. I promise.

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